Seriously, somebody better mail me some xanax real soon. My sanity is hanging on by a mere, microscopically thin thread. Breathe on it and BAM, it’s gone.

It’s mainly all good stuff that is happening–new jobs, more financial security, someone finally moving into my house and paying my mortgage for me–but all this stuff is accompanied by a multitude of CHORES. At present, I have a mental To Do List that contains at least 25 things, all of which are vying for the top, must-do-now, position. I swear, I’ve jumped out of this bed at least 4 times in the past 30 minutes to write yet another item on the actual to do list. I’m literally driving myself nuts.

The main culprit, so to speak, is our prospective new tenents. (We decided that since we can’t seem to sell the house we would try to rent it out too.) In theory, I should be deliriously happy that someone is finally moving in to my house in Charlotte. It means I will no longer be paying mortgage for a place I no longer live.  Someone else will be paying it for me.  Yes, this is good. But at this particular moment in time, I can’t see past the fact that they want/need to move in by next week. That’s right–they gave us 10 days notice to get our shit out so they can move theirs in. Thus, my mental whiplash.

So now I have to inconvenience my in-laws with my kids for several days, my husband has to take time off from the job he just started a week ago, the kids have to miss several days of school along with their holiday concert (I won’t get to hear my babies sing their long-practiced carols) and breakfast with Santa will be unattendable.

I try to remind myself of the big picture…the big, very good, financially stable, picture. All this inconvenience is for a very good cause. It will mean that a giant boulder of burden will be lifted from our shoulders.

I suppose sometime after the boxes are packed, the moving van is filled and removed from my driveway, and I’ve said one more tear-filled goodbye to my beloved friends and neighbors, well, maybe then I can relax and see the bright side.

But right now, I can’t see past the list. The neverending to do list that has a fast approaching deadline. I can’t see past my children’s heartache over the missed concerts and breakfasts, and parents. Right now, I can’t see past my own heartache at missing out on those memories that I won’t get to have now. Tonight, I can’t see past the tears in my daughter’s eyes that were cried because of me.

I just pray that after we get through this crazy week, we will be able to make up for those lost memories by creating even better ones.  I just gotta get through.

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