[sloppy and extemporaneous post to follow]

I am very very good at supporting and guiding others.  I’ve always had a passion for helping people discover and nurture their personal talents.  I love being part of a person’s journey toward achieving some goal and I feel pride in seeing them achieve it and knowing I may have somehow helped them get there.  I suppose that’s why I chose to be an educator.  I have been everything from an ESL teacher, to a writing tutor and currently, a preschool teacher.  I am proud of the fact that I have helped so many people, young and not so young, progress toward some much desired goal, whether it was learning a new language, or just learning to use scissors correctly. 

When someone is able to move forward, independent from my help and guidance, then I know I’ve done a good job.  This in fact, is also what I think a good parent does–we serve as guides to the development of independence in our children.  We hope we can inspire them to be good people, who ultimately will move the heck out of the house!  If we’ve done our job as parents (their first and most important teachers by the way) then our children will be able to confidantly work toward their goals, one of which should be to be emancipated from us!  We believe in them, they believe in themselves.

Now, here comes the big “but”.  I’ve recently realized that being someone who spends their time cheering others can have one huge drawback.  That is, if you spend all your energy supporting and cheering other people, and forget that you yourself may have some goals that have yet to be met.  I thought I was doing the right thing in being a mere supporter and cheerleader of the man in my life.  I threw my all into helping him achieve his goals.  I perceived his goals as “our” goals.  Just as I feel  a good parent will unconditionally stand behind their child and guide them toward their dreams, I felt a good wife does the same for their husband.  Herein lies the problem however.  Whereas I want to see my children follow their dreams and eventually no longer need me, I didn’t expect or wish for the same result in my husband once he achieved his.

I do not regret helping my spouse follow his dreams.  I am now and always will be extremely proud of what he has achieved.  He busted his ass (and still does) to get where he is, and I was more than happy to stand beside him and do what I could to support and encourage him.  What I do regret is losing sight of my own dreams.  I made his dream my own.  Unfortunately, he was the sole proprieter of the dream, and of the resulting business he now runs.  And now that he has obtained all that we strived for, well, where does that leave me?  He got what he wanted.  I have no role anymore. 

As a mom, I want to see my child grow and achieve and move toward independence.  But as a wife?  It doesn’t feel that great.  It feels more like I made myself disposable.  I cheered my husband right into a life that has no room for me. 

 

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